


Maybe In Another Universe (You Could Be Mine)

by slashisfamilyhistory



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: A TO THE N TO THE GST, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Star Trek Beyond, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 19:31:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18999067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashisfamilyhistory/pseuds/slashisfamilyhistory
Summary: After finding out about their alternate selves' marriage, Jim reevaluates his feelings for Spock.A bit my take on why AOS K/S are the way they are, and how their love won't come so easily to them.





	Maybe In Another Universe (You Could Be Mine)

**Author's Note:**

> So my best friend and I have always been a lot like Kirk and Spock. Recently some things have happened that make me wish she would reevaluate her sexuality, if only because I can see the pain trying to be perfect and "normal" is causing her. It keeps making me think, maybe if she hadn't loved her family the way she has though they hurt her, maybe if I was less afraid of the boundaries I drew in our relationship early on, I wouldn't stop the part of me that could take it further. Thus, here I am writing AOS angst and trying not to cry about what could be if we weren't both cowards.

It wasn't that the option to back out hadn't been presented to him. It was the Vulcan way to meld with one who was passing, as someone had done for Selik, who had then approached Jim and asked if he wished to know the thoughts of the Elder as he passed. Jim, no stranger to Vulcan melds, but surprised at the kindness of this stranger to him, let his curiosity get the better of him and agreed, despite Selik repeatedly telling him he wouldn't tell Jim more than necessary.

They were married.

Selik had married the Jim of his universe.

He had seen a glimpse of the depth of their relationship when Vulcan That Was passed, but what he had just seen had shown him the breadth of those feelings.

As he sat at his desk, Jim put his hands on his face and let out a small groan. He had long been dogged by strange feelings and misplaced affection for his own Spock. Sometimes as Spock was reaching the conclusion of a long-winded explanation, Jim could feel the love he felt for his friend bubble up. Every once in a while, he would look at him and be hit by his friend's quiet beauty.

But, as he usually chose to be honest with himself regarding how he felt and regarded those around him, he had never translated those feelings into romantic or sexual interest, though every other type of love was present in their relationship. As he turned it over in his head, he realized those things weren't necessarily completely off the table with Spock. He simply didn't let himself think about it- and realized if he ever did think about it, his feelings would probably turn romantic very quickly.

It had taken awhile, but the two of them had finally reached even footing, an understanding, and certainly a reliance on each other. But Spock still struggled every day with the emotions he let through. Jim knew that their trip to New Vulcan had been difficult on him too. It had been the first time they hadn't seen Selik there, and he could see each accomplishment of his counterpart weigh heavily on Spock's shoulders. Feelings of inadequacy present in his every hesitation, yearning to stay and do more clear in the imperceptible furrow of his brow, desperate need visible in every conflicted look he threw Jim's way. Jim kept wanting to say something, but didn't know where to even start.

This was a door he knew was closed to him.

It wasn't that he hadn't tried to bring it up before, he had tried to help Spock deal with these hardships before; he wanted to help Spock in any and every way he could. But Spock closed him off, shut him out, and every once in a while even got into heated arguments with him over the subject. After a time Jim had learned not to bring it up. To a degree, he understood it: there were so many unsure parts of his life, so many uncertain things that affected him, that having this surety, this certainty, of his own feelings would be a calming influence to him. Jim also knew that somehow, he had become one of the things Spock was "sure" of.

Yet Jim could see that those were the very things he was the most unsure, uncertain of. If it was him in Spock's shoes, he would feel better knowing what his feelings were so he could deal with them head on; but he knew that wasn't Spock's way.

Now, though, he had this tantalizing future dangling in front of him: a future where there was nothing closed between them, nothing withheld, everything open, everything loved. How would Spock even react to that?

Hey, you know how you already feel a complete dissonance with Selik, both in attitude and abilities? Well did you know he completely rejected everything you believe in but it brought him greater happiness than you have ever known? _Does it sweeten the pot if you knew I'd be interested?_

But being wrong would be catastrophic. Strong though it was, there was no way their relationship would make it through Jim dragging the rug out from under his friend's tentative grip on his feelings. Not to mention Jim's own feelings. What if Spock wasn't ready to face his feelings and never would be? What if Spock actually didn't feel that way about him? If Jim were to try, it would mean saying yes to his own feelings before ever even asking Spock, and he couldn't afford to do that and be rejected, couldn't imagine having only a single kiss- _a kiss would kill him._

Jim rubbed his eyes and let out a final sigh, rising to get at least water, if not something stronger. No, he knew his boundaries, and Spock knew his. Maybe if Spock hadn't had his planet destroyed and felt a need to fix his culture. Maybe if his Mother was still here to encourage him. Maybe if Jim was a little bolder, a little more sure of himself.

Maybe in another universe.


End file.
